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A new study reveals that parental interference in teen friendships, especially by mothers, may do more harm than good, aggravating the behavioral issues they aim to correct. Conducted by researchers Brett Laursen of Florida Atlantic University and Goda Kaniušonytė from Mykolas Romeris University, the study followed 562 children aged 9 to 14 over a school year. The findings, published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, highlight the counterproductive effects of prohibiting friendships.
The Problem with Prohibiting Friendships
The study examined how maternal disapproval of friendships impacts teen behavior. It found that when mothers disapprove of and attempt to restrict their child’s friendships, this often results in a decline in peer status. This social alienation, in turn, worsens classroom disruptiveness and overall behavioral issues. According to Laursen, “Maternal friend disapproval has counterproductive consequences for behavior problems because of the deleterious impact it has on peer status.”
Children subjected to maternal friend prohibitions often face ostracism from their classmates, not just a loss of popularity. The resulting isolation drives these children into a cycle of worsening behavior, as they become more prone to disruptive tendencies and have fewer positive social interactions.
The Domino Effect of Social Exclusion
When mothers intervene in their children’s friendships, the effect is not limited to a single relationship. The study found that classmates generally dislike children whose mothers interfere in their friendships, further limiting the child’s social options. “Chances are good that friend options are now quite limited, and the child is forced to consider someone who also is rejected by peers,” said Laursen.
This limited social circle can lead children to associate with peers exhibiting similar disruptive behaviors, compounding the very issues their mothers sought to resolve. The pressure to conform to these behaviors becomes stronger, exacerbating the child’s difficulties in adjusting and forming healthy social relationships.
The Importance of Parental Support
The study’s authors argue that rather than prohibiting friendships, parents should focus on fostering supportive relationships with their children. “Mothers may think they are protecting their children, but in reality, their actions often push them further into undesirable situations,” Laursen noted.
Warmth and positive reinforcement from parents can serve as a buffer against negative peer influences. Instead of cutting off friendships, parents should aim to create open, communicative relationships with their children to help them navigate challenging social dynamics.
Encouraging Constructive Peer Engagement
The researchers also suggest that parents encourage their children to participate in structured, supervised peer activities, such as school clubs or sports. These environments provide opportunities for children to form healthier social connections and develop essential social skills without parental interference.
Study co-author Kaniušonytė noted that while parents often act out of concern, restricting friendships can lead to long-term consequences, including a cycle of social rejection and behavioral problems. By supporting their children’s social development and offering constructive alternatives to prohibitions, parents can help their children build positive relationships and mitigate undesirable behaviors.
This research underscores the importance of balancing parental involvement with the autonomy needed for children to develop healthy, age-appropriate social skills.
