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The holidays can bring joy, but they can also be a source of stress, with real-life family gatherings rarely mirroring the seamless celebrations seen on TV. However, with some intentional planning, the season doesn’t have to be overwhelming, says University of Michigan psychology professor Stephanie Preston.
“Give yourself and others grace,” Preston advises. “It’s fine to laugh when things go awry. Real life is messy. The key is to savor the moment rather than chase an unattainable ideal.”
Setting Realistic Expectations
One way to manage stress is by setting clear intentions for the holiday. Preston, who hosts Thanksgiving dinners, keeps her gatherings casual and collaborative. “Each person contributes a dish, even the kids. The dress code is relaxed, and the day ends with a walk and games,” she shares.
She encourages families to focus on the true purpose of the holiday: “Most people value being present and thankful with loved ones more than crafting the perfect turkey or table setting.”
Navigating Family Tensions
Family conflicts, particularly in today’s divisive times, can be a significant stressor. Preston suggests preparing in advance for potential flashpoints. “Focus on sharing food and gratitude rather than resolving long-standing differences,” she says.
She recommends having a few neutral phrases ready to deflect negativity and seeking support from an ally at the gathering. “Knowing someone has your back can help you remain patient,” she explains.
Setting Boundaries
Establishing personal boundaries is crucial for maintaining peace. “Alert people ahead of time if you need specific accommodations, like a daily walk or an early bedtime,” Preston says. “If questioned, a simple explanation like, ‘This helps me feel like myself,’ is often enough.”
Addressing Loneliness
Holidays can be particularly challenging for those who feel isolated. Preston emphasizes the importance of connection, even in non-traditional ways. “Friendsgivings are great alternatives. If you’re not invited somewhere, consider hosting or joining others who might be alone.”
She also highlights the benefits of volunteering, attending public events, or simply reaching out to friends. “Loneliness can harm physical and mental health, so take steps to connect—even with strangers.”
Balancing Social Time and Downtime
Balancing togetherness with personal time is key to enjoying the holidays. “Understand your limits,” Preston advises. “Step away when needed, but communicate and show appreciation to loved ones.”
Avoiding Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
The holidays can amplify reliance on unhealthy coping strategies like excessive drinking or overeating. “Most coping mechanisms are fine in moderation, but when they interfere with your goals for the holiday, it’s time to reassess,” says Preston.
She recommends leaning on trusted friends or relatives for support and reaching out to crisis hotlines if needed. “It’s about finding healthier ways to manage stress and preserving the magic of human connection,” she concludes.
By adopting these strategies, families can navigate holiday stress and focus on creating meaningful moments. “Holidays don’t have to be perfect to be memorable,” Preston reminds us.
