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A new study from Brock University highlights the profound impact kindness can have on teenagers who struggle with perfectionism. The research suggests that adolescents who project a flawless image of themselves are more likely to be bullied and less likely to receive kindness from their peers. However, when these teens experience support and acceptance, it can alleviate their perfectionistic tendencies and reduce stress.
The study, titled “Perfect Fronts, Fragile Bonds: Prospective Associations Between Perfectionistic Self-Presentation and Peer Experiences,” was recently published in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology.
Perfectionism and Peer Relationships
“When young perfectionists experience kindness and acceptance from their peers, it can help them let go of that constant pressure to be perfect,” says Associate Professor of Child and Youth Studies Danielle Sirianni Molnar. She notes that around 25 to 30 percent of youth exhibit high levels of perfectionism, a number that is steadily increasing.
Adolescent perfectionists often set excessively high standards for themselves, experience chronic dissatisfaction even when they meet those standards, and engage in excessive self-comparison. Many of them believe they must be “the best” to maintain their self-worth. This mindset leads to perfectionistic self-presentation, where they hide mistakes and emphasize only their best qualities.
Lead author and Ph.D. student Melissa Blackburn explains that while young people may adopt perfectionistic self-presentation to foster connections, this strategy often backfires, leaving them feeling isolated. “This may be particularly harmful for teenagers, given that acceptance from peers plays a key role in their developing sense of self,” she adds.
Study Findings
The research team, which included Blackburn, Sirianni Molnar, Professor Dawn Zinga, and Psychology Ph.D. student Hanna Puffer, surveyed 239 adolescents aged 13 to 19 between 2017 and 2021. The study examined how perfectionistic self-presentation influenced their experiences with peers over time. Key findings include:
- Younger teens were more distressed by displaying their mistakes than older teens.
- Girls tended to hide their mistakes more than boys.
- Girls reported lower levels of relational victimization—such as exclusion, being ignored, or experiencing damaging rumors—than boys.
- Teens with higher levels of perfectionistic self-presentation were more frequently victimized by their peers.
- Those with lower levels of perfectionistic self-presentation experienced more positive social interactions, including acts of kindness, emotional support, and assistance from peers.
The study suggests that perfectionistic teens are caught in a cycle where bullying and social exclusion reinforce their need to appear perfect. However, when these adolescents receive kindness and support, they are more likely to relax their perfectionistic tendencies and develop genuine friendships.
Implications for Schools and Families
Sirianni Molnar emphasizes the importance of fostering kindness in schools and communities. She advocates for school programs and policies that prioritize empathy, conflict resolution, and emotional well-being. Increasing awareness among parents and teachers about perfectionism can help teenagers develop healthier self-perceptions and relationships.
“Supportive and positive peer relationships can help teenagers break free from the pressure of perfectionism and lead to more authentic, meaningful friendships,” says Sirianni Molnar.
Disclaimer:
This article is based on academic research and is for informational purposes only. It does not constitute medical or psychological advice. Readers experiencing concerns related to mental health or perfectionism should seek guidance from qualified professionals.
